The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
