Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
