my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
