Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
