Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I believe in your delicious
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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