STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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