just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
