May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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