I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
