I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
