...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
