You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize