I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
