Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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