you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
