Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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