I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
