It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
