I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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