All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
