if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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