1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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