my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
