Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
