i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
