I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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