if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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