The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
