I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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