I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
