Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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