DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
