Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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