They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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