I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
