I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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