Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
