I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
