Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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