Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
