I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it's great music for shaving your balls
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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