Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
