I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
