I'm gonna have a badass scar
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
