the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize