Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
