There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
