mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
