Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
