my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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