I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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