Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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