i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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