Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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