I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
