you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
