Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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