why didn't you poke me back
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
