I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
