Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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