I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
